Feeding My TasteBuds

I can’t say I was an avid reader. Whenever I picked up a book to read, it was usually assigned for English class, and if I ever picked one out on my own it was usually because the cover was pretty. I never really put any thought to reading before this. I used to find it boring to spend so much time reading, until I came across the idea that I was not feeding my personal aesthetics towards literature, I was letting my English language taste buds die of starvation. I just wasn’t reading what appealed to me; neither did I take into consideration what I liked to see in art. When it comes to the arts I have always been and will always be a fan of music. That indeed is how the arts speak out to me mostly, but as I read different genres of literature I realized they are not very different. When I stumbled across poetry, I was literally amazed at not only the storyline in the poem, but how unique it can be. Poems I have read have reminded me of the song lyrics I myself write, and others I have heard. When I was told by my English teacher in high school that song lyrics are a form of poetry that was when the frenzy began. I started picking up more poetry, reading, analyzing, and writing it. My songs started to sound like poems due to the rhythm they contained. I always wrote with sentiment and in a way where I was not defining my subject, but letting my readers and listeners make their own sense of what I had poured onto paper. As I wrote my own poetry and songs, I finally came upon what draws me in as a reader when it comes to poetry. What I’m reading needs to have rhythm, some type of repetition or sound that makes the piece flow, the liberty to have the reader interpreting the piece however they like, and some kind of sentiment that makes it relatable. These three things are visible in the chant poem “She Had Some Horses” by Joy Harjo, and the lyrics to the song “Possibility” by Lykee Li.

“She had Some Horses” was actually the first chant poem I had read. The first thing I noticed when I read this was the enjambment by the poet, Joy Harjo had used to keep similar things together. My favorite element of this poem is the fact that she never states what she is really talking about. This leaves me, the reader, to interpret loosely and create my own meaning compared to hers. The whole poem she is saying “she had some horses”, but are they really horses? In my opinion I don’t think they are and this is what I love about this poem. I don’t have plain boring old text saying “she had options for men that were tall, small, ones that lied, ones that were honest, loved, hated” and “all men are the same”, but instead she disguises these thoughts very well with a beautiful use of language that brings vivid images into my head. Things like “she had horses who thought they were the sun and their bodies shone and burned like stars” and “she had horses who told the truth, who were stripped bare of their tongues” create that mini movie in my head that allows my thoughts to have those high definition graphics. These images are the key to open a door of deciphering how the poet wants us to think. Another element Harjo uses is repetition which gives the poem a specific rhythm. Rhythm is what a chant poem is all about due to the fact that it is like a mini song. Nothing to me sounds better then rhythm in writing because it keeps the reader captured and keeps the piece flowing at a amazing pace and beat. She uses repetition which a specific sound as she starts mostly every line in her poem with” she had horses who” and then to transition with a different stanza about different features of these beautiful yet horrifying “horses” she uses the words “she had some horses” which is the title of the poem. Very similarly to choruses in songs, this repetition allows the words to slide right out while reading it aloud and make the flow of the poem very steady like calm waves on a night by the ocean. The last thing that appeals to me while reading literature is the sentiment behind the piece, one that I can relate to, or one that I can empathize with. I myself am a very sensible person and easily touched by works of art whether they remind me of something I myself have experience or whether it is something I can understand and be sensible about. I would love to be able to speak with this poet and see where she was going with it and what she meant so I can read with a more thorough understanding, although I like the way the poem makes me think. But if I acquired the knowledge behind why she wrote this poem I believe empathizing would become much more of ease. Although I don’t necessarily know the background behind the poem, the author’s tone makes her sentiment clearer. She does not sound too happy though sometimes she states things that seem to bring her good memories like “she had horses who danced in their mother’s arms” and “she had horses who were the blue air of sky”. She also has some negative memories or thoughts like “she had horses who tried to save her, who climbed in her bed at night and prayed as they raped her”. The sentiment I get from this poem due to her tone is nostalgic, missing the good memories while trying to keep away the bad ones. Overall, Harjo’s chant poem indeed has what captures my attention.

Not very different to the chant poems would be song lyrics. There are song lyrics that I feel are different than most songs. Lyrics that have multiple meanings, and are more profound. Though poetry and music are slightly different due to the fact that music has a beat or instrumental behind it, they really are not so different. I discovered that songs and poetry both hold the same qualities I like in the arts, and could make me connect both pieces without having to convert one to the other. Just like “She Had Some Horses”, the song “Possibility” has lyrics that have enchanting rhythm, sentiment, and sense of liberty with its meaning.

This song came to my attention in the film based on the book New Moon by Stephanie Meyer. It was included in the soundtrack of the movie. This book based about a human girl named Bella and a vampire named Edward’s love for each other has a very tragic beginning. Edward, trying to protect the Bella from any danger decides to leave her thinking it is best for her, though it was very painful for him as well. After this depart, she goes through a major depression, realizing she couldn’t live without him. In the movie they portrayed this scene as her sitting by her window as 3 months passed by, showing how she didn’t do anything. The song in the background throughout this difficult time for her was “Possibility” by Lykke Li, a Swedish singer and songwriter. These song lyrics stood out most to me from the entire movie because they were relatable. The sentiment behind the song is the person she loved has left her, and took everything with him. “Tell me when you hear my heart stop, you’re the only one that knows” is a line of the song and she is saying only he knows when she is in pain and when she is not functioning correctly. The sentiment Lykee Li put into this song may have been strictly because of the nature of the book, but I think she put more into it than just that. I have experienced someone I truly cared for’s leave, and let me say it is not the best feeling in the world. When I heard this song I immediately began to cry, maybe not entirely of sadness but definitely had to do with the feelings the song brought up. It was like I had a volcano of emotions building up and the song finally made it explode. The interpretation of the song is deep commencing with the title to the song “Possibility” which not only shows but gives out a sense of hope, hope that maybe in the Bella’s case Edward will come back, hope in my case that things will get better and be forgotten. The language Lykke Li used makes me wonder if she has ever been through a situation like that. The openness to understand what the lyrics mean is visible in my favorite lines:

“So tell me when you hear my heart stop

You’re the only one that knows

Tell me when you hear my silence

There’s a possibility I wouldn’t know”.

The reason why they are my favorite is because they are so prone to be interpreted differently. The way I see it is as only he knows when she has died emotionally, since he’s the one that had her heart in the first place. The silence she speaks about to me is her behavior, one that not even she would know. People change when they have been hurt and I don’t think the person them self realizes this, but others can. Lastly, with the rhythm of this song; the melody to it is very slow and steady, kind of like a pendulum. All you can hear is a piano and like a drop of water here and there. This makes the piece easier to listen to and attractive to the ear. Not only does this song have a rhythm with instruments but in its language as well. “There’s a possibility” is the line Lykke repeats a few times, and sustains. The song starts out this way and continues throughout the entire song. This repetition sounds a little paralyzing maybe even addicting. It keeps the reader caught up and makes the body sway in a way as the beat overcomes you.
           The way I view literature and any other work of art has changed drastically. I actually enjoy reading 
now and love to do it everyday, as well as writing. I realized the two are connected and once you get in tact 
with one, the other one becomes undeniably stronger. Feeding my aesthetics felt extremely good once I 
learned how to do it and it has allowed me to explore the world of arts so in depth, a way I had never seen it 
before. By doing this, I have become a better reader, writer, and in general, a better person. Rhythm, 
sentiment, and openness to interpretation is what attracts me and now, what I used in my own writing to capture others. One day I hope to write a piece as strong and inspiring as “She Had Some Horses” by Joy Harjo, or “Possibility” by Lykke Li, and maybe myself inspire another reader/listener out there that has not yet discovered their true personal aesthetics in literature.  

reality stored away in nightmares...

A poem I wrote based on true life experience:

Love's Timeline

You had me

I had you

We lost it,

I found a new

Things were changing

No speak

Some regretting

Widow’s peak

Fucked me over

It’s alright

I promised myself

I would not cry

Placed my heart

On a shelf

Not knowing, indeed

You would hurt yourself

Time has passed

It feels so strange

Feels just like the beginning

All in the same

You had me

I had you

We lost it

What can I do?